


Of Gods and Men

by bro_senpai



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dark, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Lawyers, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:54:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26488270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bro_senpai/pseuds/bro_senpai
Summary: Roxas hadn't known Axel for very long, but he'd already begun to consider him one of his best friends. It had just been a year or so, since he had met the man. He was several years older - 27 and already out of college and working in some fancy office as a defense lawyer - a bonafide adult compared to Roxas who was only a sophomore in some nondescript community college......People are not always as strong as you make them out to be in your mind.
Relationships: Axel & Demyx & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Axel & Demyx (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Demyx & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Hayner & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Lea/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Of Gods and Men

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains fairly graphic descriptions of self-harm.  
> Please be safe.

Roxas hadn't known Axel for very long, but he'd already begun to consider him one of his best friends. It had just been a year or so, since he had met the man. He was several years older - 27 and already out of college and working in some fancy office as a defense lawyer - a bonafide adult compared to Roxas who was only a sophomore in some nondescript community college.

He met him pretty randomly. Just in some coffee shop near the middle of his freshman year. Roxas had always really wanted to like coffee because it seemed kind of sophisticated, but it was just so goddamn bitter. Any coffee he drank was usually nothing but milk and sugar. So, mostly, he just stuck with cheap energy drinks. This particular shop had been recommended to him by Namine, however, and he sort of wanted to impress her. So, he went.

It was a nice place, and it looked busy, but this didn't look like the type of coffee shop college students frequented. It was pretty far from campus, closer to the courthouse and surrounding office buildings. Everyone here looked so... busy. Not with school, but with jobs.

He must have looked terrible, on top of being hopelessly out of place in his hoodie and cheap sweats, because suddenly he was staring at a pair of expensive shoes and being laughed at by the man wearing them. Roxas clenched his teeth and he could feel his face get hot.

"You look tired." The asshole said obviously teasing him and not seeming to care that Roxas was ticked (even if the feeling was actually closer to embarrassment, Roxas would never admit it). Roxas was about to make a retort but then he saw the man's face.

Spiky bright red hair, smooth skin and smiling green eyes greeted him and  _ woah _ . Now Roxas' face was red for a different reason. He looked so... amazing. So cool. Intelligent and put together and sophisticated, just like coffee. He was beautiful. And, in that moment, Roxas hadn't been able to say anything to him.

The man grinned and it was wonderful and a drink was being pushed into his hands by larger, warmer ones. "Here, take it." His voice was smooth and rich. "You probably need it more than I do."

Desperate to impress, Roxas had said "thank you", taking a sip from the cup and immediately regretting it. It was disgusting. Bitter and awful with no sugar or anything nice at all.

He must've been making a face because he was being laughed at again and the man was walking away with a smooth, "Take it easy, kid." as he went. Roxas scowled to himself. He wasn't a 'kid'. He was 19 and in college, but it seemed somewhat understandable that a man so out of his league would refer to him like a child and he couldn't really say much about it.

Looking down at the to-go cup full of a disgusting drink in his hand he noticed a name written in the barista's loopy handwriting on the side. 

_ Lea _ . 

Roxas poured in as much milk and sugar as he could force into the cup and drank it.

…

Namine had been very impressed to hear that he'd actually visited the shop. She was even more impressed when he kept visiting, but Roxas was no longer overly concerned with that.

He just... really wanted to see Lea again.

Stupidly, he didn't even know what he was going to do when he saw the man again. Maybe ask him to hang out. It'd be cool if he had an older friend and he wanted to know what Lea did for fun anyway. 

But, the more Roxas came to the shop, only to be disappointed by no Lea, the more he was starting to think that maybe it had been Lea's first time coming to this place too. Maybe this wasn't Lea's go-to coffee shop and just somewhere he'd visited on a whim. 

Maybe he'd never see Lea again.

So, he consoled his broken dreams of friendship with disgusting coffee and pretty soon he just stopped going there all together. Whatever, he was just some guy anyway. Roxas was over it.

And then Hayner got Roxas arrested.

…

Simply, Hayner had thrown a party and the cops got called. They were using Hayner's parents' house, who were out of town at the time, instead of their shared apartment since the house was bigger. As it turns out, having a bigger space just meant that Hayner could invite more people and Hayner had gone kind of crazy with the guest list. There was alcohol and almost everyone was drunk, or underage, or drunk and underage and Roxas, who was the third one, had been the one to get caught when everyone started running.

"I wanna lawy'r.", was what he had slurred out when they caught him and so the State brought him Lea.

…

  
  


His older brother had picked him up from the police station, because his parents couldn't have been bothered. It was three hours after his arrest at four o'clock in the morning and his brother looked exhausted. Roxas was mortified.

When he showed up to the first consultation with his lawyer and realized that his lawyer was Lea he was further humiliated. This whole situation was awful.

"Oh, it's you." Lea had said with a cheshire grin and Roxas' face caught fire.

They talked about what his charges were and what kind of punishment he would most likely be facing and it was all very professional (just like he expected because this was Lea and he looked professional), but then Roxas was looking at his hands as he wrote and his mouth as he talked and - oh god he was getting distracted.

Lea asked him to explain what had happened, so he did, and he felt just as stupid saying it as he did when the cops showed up and caught him. It was childish and dumb and everything Lea wasn't and he really wasn't making a good second impression. Not that his first was any better.

"They will probably give you community service, maybe a fine. It's your first offense, so it's not the end of the world." Lea told him. "Although, if you get caught again, the next time will be worse. So, I wouldn't recommend it." He smiled.

And Roxas found himself apologizing.

"I'm sorry." 

Lea looked surprised for a second before he laughed, easy and smooth. "Sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught?" Then, he winked. 

Roxas was devastated.

The meeting was over, so Lea packed his things into his attache case and Roxas shoved the little pad of paper and pen his brother had told him to bring back into his pocket.

"Stay out of trouble, kid," Lea said in way of goodbye.

_ Be friends with me. _ Roxas thought with such force he was surprised Lea couldn't hear it.

…

  
  


The court date came and went. 

Lea was brilliant in a courtroom, so deep in his element. He was confident in an all-encompassing sort of way that Roxas felt went beyond what anyone should be allowed to be capable of. Instead of being confident he  _ was  _ confidence and Roxas was grateful because Roxas was terrified.

With Lea, though, he had no reason to be.

When everything was said and done, Lea had gotten Roxas off with only a fine and no community service.

On the ride home his brother said, "You got lucky. Your lawyer was really good."

Roxas replied, "I know."

…

  
  


One more time.

One more time Roxas was going to show up to that damn coffee shop, and if Lea wasn't there he really was going to give up forever.

It was the only way he could think of to meet him again, other than getting re-arrested (hard pass). The only other,  _ other  _ option was the business card that Lea had given him for the court case and everything, but he felt... weird calling that. If he called his business line then Lea would only answer when he was working and then what was he supposed to say? 

_ Hey, sorry to bother you while you're working, but do you wanna hang out? _

No. He wasn't going to do that. There was no way, anyway, that Lea had given him that phone number for anything less than professional necessity. Roxas wasn't going to abuse that.

Roxas was going to corner him in a coffee shop. 

Today, he was armed with Namine, who was his girlfriend now, thanks for asking. Namine was beautiful in her summer dress, white and thin and swaying around her cream-colored thighs. Her hair was like spun gold and pulled over one delicate shoulder. Elegant and effortlessly breathtaking. The way her calm, baby-blues lit up when she looked at him made his legs feel like jelly and he was in love.

She looked so happy here, he noticed as they entered the coffee house, and she talked animatedly about the drink and the best brews and the best way to enjoy them. He was entranced, despite not caring at all, and when they had finally ordered Roxas took her recommendation and she watched him, smiling over her cup, waiting for his verdict. He drank down the bitter, offensive liquid out of his own and didn't even wince.

"It's good," he lied, but she smiled so wide and bright that he didn't feel bad about it.

And, maybe, he would have forgotten the reason he was here, if right then the door hadn't open and it hadn't been Lea walking through it.

Roxas' eyes shot open wide and he perked up in his seat, trying to think of a battle strategy.

"Is something wrong?" Namine asked, tilting her head in a way that made her soft hair fall gently against her cheek.

"Oh, no. It's just..." Roxas tried to think of something as his eyes watched Lea walk to the front of the shop. He hadn't noticed him yet.

There was another man with him. He looked about Lea's age, but seemed... lesser somehow. He was in a suit as well, but it seemed a little cheaper, and where Lea's hair was like fire, the new guy's was more like wheat. It was slicked back and pulled up. Sort of a mullet.

"Do you know them?" 

Namine, who had followed his eyes, was waiting, but Roxas didn't know how to answer. 

Yeah, he wanted to say, because knowing Lea seemed like something to brag about. But, then he would definitely have to explain how he knew him. Explain both times that they'd met. And even though Namine knew he'd gotten arrested, the fact that Lea had only been his lawyer, and not his actual friend, took something away from the brag. Roxas suddenly felt the weight of how far away the other man actually was.

"Yeah," He decided to say. Honesty, and all that. "I know one of them. Red-hair." He pointed over sneakily so neither of the men wouldn't notice. "We met here, actually. The first time I came."

Namine was not so sneaky in the way she looked over her shoulder at Lea and his friend, the latter who still seemed like he was trying to decide what to order, and Roxas almost wanted to tell her to stop. He didn't, though, because it would've made him feel bad to chastise her. He did duck down a little though.

Why was he being such a coward now? He had come here for this.

"We should say hi." Namine suggested, and then,  _ without consultation _ , she started to wave.

_ Oh, shit. _

Lea and his friend immediately looked over and, while they both looked confused by Namine, when Lea's eyes found Roxas they lit up with understanding. Lea started waving back animatedly, almost like he was excited to see him. Roxas' heart gave a little thump-thump.

He walked towards them with his friend close behind, who still seemed confused.

"Huh? You know these kids?" The mullet-haired man whispered in a way that wasn't at all a whisper. Roxas began to scowl as soon as he heard it.  _ Who's he calling a fucking kid? _

Namine turned back towards him, noticing his dark expression, and laughed lightly at his distress. Which was a little mean, but she was allowed to do that. "It seems we're just kids to the  _ fancy adults _ , huh?" She actually whispered this, and neither Lea or his friend seemed to hear as they closed the remaining distance between their groups. 

"Hey, Roxas. Long time no see." Lea greeted him easily as he arrived and their table.

It wasn't the first time Lea had said his name, but it was the first time he had said it casually and Roxas wanted to hear him say it like that more often.

"Yeah, nice to see you." He said, feeling sort of awkward for some reason.

Lea's friend butted in with his hand raised indicating himself. "Demyx. Nice to meet you." He then held out the same hand for Roxas to shake, so Roxas did. Demyx almost ripped his arm off with the force of it before releasing him and turning to Namine. "Who are you?"

Namine smiled beautifully and held out her hand, "Namine. Roxas' girlfriend."

Without really meaning to, Roxas' eyes flickered to Lea, who was watching the other two, as she said it to see his reaction, but Lea didn't seem to react at all, still smiling brightly. Roxas didn't know why that made him feel a little disappointed.

Namine seemed to have said something else as well, but Roxas missed it and now Demyx was rounding back on him.

"So, Roxas, how do you know Axel?"

It took him a moment to understand the question, hung up on the name he didn't recognize. "Axel?" 

"He means me." Lea explained. "All my friends call me Axel."

It was like cold water was poured over his head.

Roxas felt... cheated out of something. All the wind was blown right out of his sails. He must have been making a weird face, because when he looked at Namine she looked concerned, so he tried his best to smile at her.

"Oh! So you know him professionally, then." Demyx concluded, which made Roxas feel worse. Then, with a sly grin, he asked, "What'd ya do?"

Roxas didn't feel like talking anymore. "I--"

"Demyx, c'mon." Lea, or Axel, scolded him playfully before turning to Roxas. "You don't have to answer that."

"Dude. Stop being a lawyer for five minutes. I wanna know what the kid did!"

"C'mon, Dem. Leave him alone..."

Their small back-and-forth faded into background noise.

_ Kid. Why is it always 'kid'? Who's a fucking kid? I'm sick of this shit!  _

Roxas cut into their banter, snapping, "I'm not a kid." 

No, it wasn't really a snap, he was practically snarling.

This was going all wrong. He was supposed to meet Lea, or Axel or  _ whatever _ , and... what? Become best friends? It all seemed really stupid now. Really childish. Maybe he was just a kid, because he was certainly acting like it. Even Namine was looking at him strangely. He was embarrassing her. 

This was a mistake. He just wanted to go home. 

There was a bit of silence that followed, the mood shifting closer to awkward. Demyx shifted on his feet.

"We'll let you get back to your date." 

It was Lea who finally spoke. He said the words softly, carefully, like he was defusing a bomb. He was still smiling, but it seemed a little dimmer now, more uncomfortable, as he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder to push him back towards the front of the shop. A awful feeling of regret rose up and Roxas was struck suddenly with a certainty that he couldn't explain: 

If he let Lea go now, they wouldn't meet again. 

There would be no next time. Lea would fly out of his reach, untouchable to him. All the hours he spent sitting here, drinking gross coffee and waiting on chance meetings, just adding up to a bunch of wasted time. 

_ No. I don't want it to end like this. _

He could fix this.

"Wait." 

Lea stopped, looking to him.

Roxas looked back, eyes fierce with a challenge and his jaw set.

_ Ask him.  _

"Which is it?"

Green eyes focused intently on his own.  _ Pretty, like colored glass. _ "Huh?" 

"Your name," he elaborated, "Is it Lea or Axel?"

His face was still set stubbornly and Lea regarded him carefully for a while, like he was trying to figure him out, or thinking deeply about something.  _ Or, just trying to make me squirm.  _

The question was a little strange, he thought, not to mention the fact it came flying out of left field. He wasn't really sure if Namine or Demyx would understand what he was asking, but it didn't matter. He refused to let his nerves bend under Lea's questioning eyes and quirked brow. Roxas could see it. Lea knew, and that was what mattered. 

Finally, that damned easy smile spread wide across Lea's face.

"Whichever you want." He replied simply, exaggerating his nonchalance. His eyes, though, were more telling.

And when Roxas said "Axel" it was impossible to taste anything but victory. 

…

  
  


A week later, Roxas got a text.

  
  


Axel [10:05 p.m.]

Coffee tmmr? Work is stressing me out :(

  
  


Roxas stared blankly at his phone. Axel had invited him for coffee tomorrow. 

Also, professional adult Axel texted like a high schooler. 

Why does it always have to be coffee? Roxas threw his phone next to him on the bed and lamented with an arm slung over his face in a very over-dramatic fashion. 

It was probably his fault. He was the one who had only shown Axel his face in that coffee shop anyway (not counting the arrest; Roxas never wanted to think about that again). He should probably tell him that he hated that disgusting bean water, but, then again, didn't Axel already know? After all, the first time they met he made fun of him for his reaction to drinking the stuff. So, was it just a joke?

  
  


Roxas [10:10 p.m.]

hate coffee.

  
  


Roxas watched the screen, waiting for a reply.

  
  


Axel [10:13]

lol wernt you just drinking it with ur gf? anyway they have other stuff ther too

  
  


Roxas [10:13]

there*

and thats different

  
  


Axel [10:15]

sure it is hhh 

Rspect ur elders 

  
  


Roxas snorted. His vision of Axel as a hyper-professional, untouchable 'elder' was slowly melding with this new perspective on the man. The one who jokes and laughs and texts like he just graduated pre-k. He lay there, trying to fit the pieces together to make a fully-functioning personality in his mind, matching it up to the man himself.

He got another text.

  
  


Axel [10:24]

see you tmmr~!

  
  


"Fuck," Roxas whispered softly to no one.

…

  
  


"Hello."

Axel already has a table and a drink by the time he gets there and is lazily typing away on his laptop. But, when Roxas greets him, he looks up with a smile. 

"Hey! You came." Like Roxas wouldn't have come.

"Yeah," Roxas confirms as he pulls out a chair and sits across from him. Axel types a little more before pulling down the screen, shutting the computer with a small snap. "Sorry. Were you working on something?"

"Just a case," Axel replies flippantly, "Nothing too important. No need to apologize." He takes a sip of his drink. "I was waiting for you, anyway." He shoots Roxas a wide grin.

Even his teeth are perfect. 

"Mn," Roxas acknowledges with a nod. He didn't get a drink, or buy anything so he has nothing to do with his hands or mouth. Nothing to focus on but Axel.

And Axel looks focused on him.

Stained-glass eyes watch him as he tries to think of something to say. He lands on, "Do you enjoy it? You're work, I mean." He stumbles a little, but only a little.

"Sure," Axel's words flow cleanly between his lips. "It's not bad. Pretty interesting most of the time. I need that in a job. I get bored easily."

"Oh." Roxas nods again, looking down self-consciously at his hands for a moment before looking back up again. Axel seemed amused.

"Sometimes the cases I get are really fun even," he continues. "Does that sound bad? Maybe it's a little callous to enjoy someone else's misfortune." Axel is teasing him, and Roxas can't help but ask:

"Was my case fun?"

Axel confirms, "Yeah, I think it was." 

He's just teasing him

Roxas agrees quietly, "I thought so too." 

He's just fucking teasing him.

When Axel laughs his eyes light up and Roxas can't look away. "Really? You got fined, didn't you?"

"Yeah, so what?"

Axel laughs again lightly, "You're interesting. Not very many people I've worked for would say they found the experience 'fun'." 

Feeling oddly bold, he said, "I'm special."

It makes the other man pause, but not for long. 

"Yeah," Axel agrees, "That's why I had fun too."

Satisfied, Roxas nods. "Good."

They settle for a moment into a comfortable silence as the conversation lulls. Roxas eyes the cup in Axel's hand and watches as the other man brings it to his lips and takes a sip. He doesn't realize he is watching Axel's mouth until the man himself speaks.

"You want a coffee?"

Roxas jolts out of his own head and he can feel his face heating up.

"I hate coffee," is his delayed reply when he finally finds his words again. He knows Axel knows what he was looking at, but Axel seems like he's not going to mention it.

…

  
  


Roxas and Axel's friendship progresses like that until they are no longer exclusively meeting in public anymore. Roxas is going over to Axel's apartment and meeting Axel's friends. 

Also, seeing Demyx.

"Roxyyy, grab me a bowl, will ya?"

"What makes you think I know were your stupid bowls are?"

"Oh, come off it. You're here all the time! It's impossible for you not to know."

"Both of you--" Axel, who is diligently cooking them dinner, cuts in, "--stop. I can't focus on my vegetables."

Roxas comes up behind him and peaks over his shoulder.

"Do you need any help?" 

"I will ask you for help when I want my apartment burned to the ground," Axel replies. "Now, go get Demyx a bowl."

…

  
  


Namine breaks up with Roxas two weeks after his 20th birthday.

"I can't love someone who is in love with someone else," she tells him.

He goes to Axel and crashes at his place for a couple days, but he doesn't tell him what she said.

…

  
  


Roxas had come to Axel's apartment on a whim. Usually he would text his friend beforehand, but it was Tuesday, so his last class of the day had ended an hour ago at 12 o' clock sharp and since then he had been walking around campus bored out of his mind. Also, he was pretty sure the red-head had the day off anyway and that was enough to tether himself to this plan. Campus wasn't really that far from Axel's place anyway.

So, that's where he was, twenty minutes later, knocking on the door.

Demyx answered, stepping to the side to let him in.

"Oh. Hey, Roxy." He spoke over both the sound of the music he was listening to and the T.V. that was showing some weird-ass cooking show. The people on the T.V. making sculptures out of meat. Strange. "What's up?" 

"Is Axel here?" He asked, tearing his eyes away from the television.

"In his room." Demyx replied pointing to it as he sat down on the couch. "Probably working on 'work stuff'. Go bother him, if you want." He said.

"I will, thanks." Roxas snorted and made off for Axel's room. Maybe he could convince him that starving college kids needed their working-adult overlords to feed them lunch, like at that new Italian place down the street. 

"Axel?" Roxas asked Axel's door. He didn't get any reply, but Demyx had said he would be here so he grabbed the handle and turned it slightly. It wasn't locked. Roxas shrugged and opened the door.

He should have knocked. 

He stood frozen in the doorway as he took in the scene before him. Axel was inside, like Demyx had said. He was in his boxers, sitting cross-legged on his bed, which would've been awkward as hell and enough to send Roxas out of the room on it's own, but that wasn't the issue. Because, Axel also had what looked like the bare blade of an X-ACTO Knife held in his left hand and was using it to draw red, bloody lines on his thigh. His eyes looked eerily calm for what his hands were doing. Sort of glazed and a little out of it. The cuts probably hurt, with how deep he seemed to be making them, but he wasn't giving any reactions of pain. He could've been checking the weather on his phone, for what little expression was on his face.

Axel didn't seem to notice he was there until Roxas fumbled out a harsh breath.

His head shot up, surprised green eyes landing on Roxas where he stood in the doorway. They pinned him there, wide and confused, as the tiny blade disappeared suddenly into the red-head's grip as Axel quickly tried to hide it. The freakish calm had vanished. It was replaced with a storm of terrible emotions that flickered over the man's face, there and then gone, as his brain worked to process exactly how much Roxas had seen, and when his friend's features settled, it was on sharp anger. 

" _ Fuck _ ." He cursed. "Get out!"

Roxas flinched, cowering at this new tone he had never heard directed at him from the man before. "Axel..."

"I said get out! Get.  _ Out! _ " He roared, seething, and Roxas could see a trickle of blood coming from the closed fist where Axel was holding the blade as his hands clenched tighter.

Roxas whimpered as he quickly slammed the door closed, and he heard something crash violently from back inside Axel's room as he backed away. Terrified, he turned on his heels, running. He passed by and ignored an alarmed Demyx, who he could barely hear calling out to him over the roaring in his ears. Sprinting, he fled. Out of the apartment and not stopping until he was out of breath and many blocks away.

He was only vaguely aware of anything that was happening around him. Everything felt like he was feeling it from underwater. He couldn't breathe. He turned sharply, practically diving into an alley and fell to the ground on his hands and knees. He sucked in air with breaths coming in harsh pants, choking on his own gasps. He was mortified and shaken. His face was heated and red. He couldn't stop hearing Axel's voice, screaming at him to leave, while blood trickled down his leg and out of his fist.

_ I shouldn't have seen that. I shouldn't have seen that. _

He choked and vomited. Fat tears swam in his eyes in response to the burn of acid and lack of air as his stomach emptied itself out onto the concrete. They rolled down his cheeks and mixed with the sick on his lips. He barely felt the hand come to rest on his back. It rubbed in soothing circles as the nausea came and passed.

"Jesus, babe." A man's voice came from above him, "Everything's okay. Just get it out."

Blurrily looking up he saw Demyx. Standing over him with apologetic eyes full of something that looked an awful lot like pity. 

"Dem." He choked out, voice rough and painful.

"Yeah." The other man replied. His voice stayed level and calm as he knelt down across from him. "Sorry. Probably not the one you wanted, right?"

Roxas shook his head. "No. It's okay. I'm glad it's not--" He choked to keep down a sob. "You shouldn't have followed me. It's dirty here and I'm..."

"Eh." Demyx shrugged. "It's nothing I haven't seen before." He reached out and rubbed a hand over Roxas' sweaty forehead, passing it lightly over his hair and down his cheek. A thumb swiped out at some stray tears. "You look quite the mess, though, I must say." 

Roxas scrubbed at his nose with his sleeve and Demyx retracted his hand. He made a face, giving Roxas an ' _ Ew. _ ' that caused a watery laugh to bubble out of him. Demyx smiled.

They stayed there, in an alleyway next to a puddle of Roxas' vomit, silently for a minute while Roxas attempted to clean up his face. Though, something was eating at the pit of Roxas' gut and even though he didn't really want to know, he felt like he needed to.

"Hey, Dem?" He asked, looking down at his hands. He squeezed his left one into a fist, like Axel had done around the small blade of the X-ACTO knife. He swallowed nervously.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Did you know?"

He could feel Demyx's eyes on him, but he refused to look up. 

"Are you asking did I know  _ today _ ? Or, did I just know?"

"Either. Both."

Finally, Demyx sighed and looked away. "I didn't know he was doing that when I sent you in there, no." he replied. "But, otherwise, yeah, Roxy, I knew."

Roxas got caught on another small sob. He felt betrayed. "Why?" He asked, aimlessly, "Why would you guys hide it? Does everyone know? Does everyone know  _ but me _ ?"

Demyx didn't try to touch him again and Roxas was thankful. He was shaking apart. Axel was a god to him.  _ Perfect _ . What did he have to be  _ sad  _ about? Why would he even think about doing something like that?

"Let's not have this conversation here." Demyx said, pushing himself to his feet. "C'mon. I'll buy you a coffee, or a hot chocolate or whatever."

…

  
  


Ten minutes later, Demyx had him dragged into a small cafe, hot chocolate in his hands and curry in front of him, curled into a booth in the back corner of the shop.

"This place is nice, isn't it?" He asked, sipping on his own drink.

Roxas didn't respond as he used a spoon to poke at the curry. He looked up expectantly at Demyx until the other man sighed.

"Roxy, this whole situation with Axel is sort of a well-known secret. Nobody talks about it, but most of us know." He explained. It felt almost flippant in a way that surprised Roxas. "Axel  _ usually  _ doesn't care about people knowing, either. He doesn't talk about it, but he doesn't exactly go out of his way to hide it. Not like he does now."

"Why does he care now?" Roxas asks his hot chocolate.

Demyx laughed even though none of this was funny, "Because he didn't want you to know." Then, a little ruefully he added, "Not that it worked out very well for him."

"He didn't want  _ just me _ to know?"

"Pretty much."

_ Axel doesn't trust me? _ Roxas thought. To Demyx he probably seemed like an idiot. Everyone seemed to think this was business as usual, but to him it was  _ life altering _ . Everything he felt like he knew about Demyx, about Axel, about all their friends, was flipped on its head with this little bit of new information. They were all acting so irresponsibly about it. Like it didn't matter. He felt lost and  _ so, so sad _ . 

"Don't look like  _ that _ ." Demyx said, sighing and cutting through his thoughts as he took another sip of coffee, but Roxas couldn't be bothered with whatever kind of face he was making. "Axel never wants you to see any of the bad sides of himself. He wants you to think he's perfect. Whenever you're around, suddenly Axel has it all together. And trust me it's only when you're around." Demyx huffed, "It'd almost be funny if it wasn't so pathetic."

And... Roxas  _ had  _ thought he was perfect, hadn't he? His genius, handsome, charismatic best friend. He thought about all the time he had spent in the other man's presence, memories rippling across the surface of his mind, causing chaos.  _ Axel helping him with his chemistry homework so patiently even when he has to explain the same thing over and over, Axel telling him about something interesting that had happened at work with a smile that lights up his whole face, Axel cooking with him and laughing at him because he can't properly cut the vegetables, Axel watching movies with him and then waking up the next morning on Axel's couch with a blanket tucked tightly in place around him and feeling so safe...  _ he had been totally swept up in what Axel wanted him to see. How long would this charade have continued if today never happened? At what point would Axel have started being honest?

Roxas grappled with this new information as his chest seized. His veins were filled with ice.  _ The bad sides of himself? _ What else was wrong with Axel? What else had he lied about? His mind raced through all the worst possibilities. No, maybe the shorter list would be: what had Axel told him that'd actually been true? 

"So, you're saying the Axel I know isn't real? Everything I know about him... everything. It's all just one big lie?" Roxas' voice shook along with his hands. "Was everything you said a lie too? Were you all just laughing at me this whole time?"

Demyx seemed surprised, and hurt, by the accusation. "Roxas--"

"No! Fuck you, Demyx." His fork clattered against the table where he dropped it as Roxas leapt to his feet. "I can't trust you. I can't trust  _ any  _ of you!"

Everyone who was present in the cafe was staring at them now, but Roxas didn't care. For the second time that day, he fled and this time no one came after him.

  
  


…

  
  


Axel didn't try to contact Roxas.

Demyx, however, would not stop contacting him.

  
  


Demyx [4:54 p.m.]

cmon roxy thats not how it is

we didnt lie to u

maybe axel

but not me!!!

  
  


Demyx [9:23 a.m.]

none of us meant to hurt u roxy

  
  


Demyx [6:02 p.m.]

stop ignoring me :(

  
  


Demyx [8:32 p.m.]

roxy

Roxas

ROXAS

  
  


Demyx [1:00 a.m.]

cmon this sint fairr

  
  


Demyx [2:03 a.m.]

this isnt fair roxy

plz

  
  


Demyx [6:00 a.m.]

u and axel desurve each other >:(

  
  


…

Roxas was at a loss. 

It had been two weeks since the incident with Axel and he missed him terribly. It was agony, because every time he missed him he remembered that what he missed didn't really exist in the first place.

And it was all the worse, because now some twisted part of his heart was finally willing to admit that he had  _ loved  _ Axel. Or, who Axel had pretended to be, he guessed. And now he was being forced to come to terms with the fact that the Axel he fell in love with wasn't real. The Axel he fell in love with was a lie.

And he hated Axel for it.

He was deep in the middle of his pity-party when someone knocking a hole into the wood of his door startled him. 

Without waiting for Roxas to respond, Hayner started speaking at him. "Come on, man. You have to get out. It's been long enough. You need sun, and probably a shower."

Hayner had been a frequent visitor to his door these past weeks. In the beginning his friend had tried to give him some space, but around the third day he'd started coming to check on him each day, then twice a day, then every couple hours. He would leave food by his door, since Roxas refused to come out to eat, and when Roxas did come out to go to the bathroom or shower -- because he  _ did  _ shower -- Hayner would try to corner him which Roxas did not like at all.

Roxas had been planning to just pretend like Hayner wasn't there, but he could not let that last comment stand.

"I've been showering." The protest is pitched just loud enough for Hayner to catch from where he is curled up on himself on his bed. His blankets are cacconed around him like protective armour, shielding him from stupid lying shit-heads.

"Fuck, man. You sound awful." Hayner says it so quietly that Roxas isn't sure if he was meant to hear that or not. His voice did sound a little scratchy. He hadn't used it in a while. Either way, he doesn't respond. 

"C'mon, Roxas, open the door. This is insane." 

Roxas can hear Hayner jiggling the handle violently.

"Don't come in. Leave me alone to die."

Hayner scoffs. "No way. If you die, Ven is going to show up and rip my balls off."

Roxas burrows deeper into his covers. "My brother would never touch your balls."

The door bangs and it has most definitely been kicked. Hayner lets out a frustrated noise.

"I changed my mind. Open this door so I can kill you myself."

That sounds fine. Roxas, still wrapped in blankets, goes and opens the door.

"Seriously? That's what got you to do it?" Hayner throws his hands into the air. "Whatever. I don't care. Now that you've finally opened up, go. Sit on the bed."

"What?"

Hayner grits his teeth and points back to the bed. "Just. Fucking. Sit."

Roxas sits.

Stealing the chair from Roxas' desk, Hayner takes a seat across from him and takes a deep breath.

"Now. I'm gonna talk, and you're not gonna say shit, OK?"

Roxas nods.

"Listen. I'm just going to tell it to you straight. You're being a bitch."

Roxas really wants to protest, but as he opens his mouth, Hayner stops him.

"I said fucking listen, OK? I mean it. All of us are here for you. Ven, me, Pence, Olette, Sora, Riku, even fucking Demyx has been calling and texting and  _ showing up at the door _ and you just sit in your room feeling sorry for yourself and ignoring all of us. So what, you care about Axel. That's awesome for you. You're sad because he's being a bitch about all of this too? Fine. But Axel is not the beginning and end of the universe. All of us here want to help you and you're treating us like shit over one guy. Hell, we're  _ meant  _ to help you through stuff like this as your friends. You drug Namine around through it too. She really liked you and you--" Hayner stops and changes his mind. "You know what, I'm not even going to talk about that. But, still. You just... you can't keep ignoring us, man."

When he's finished, he and Roxas just watch each other for a moment.

Hayner was... right. He was just ignoring everyone, stuck in his room feeling sorry for himself, and not even acknowledging them at all. Hayner in particular had been working really hard to keep him alive, actually, because he would be very much dead without the food and water he had brought by.

It made him feel really shitty, now that he was thinking about it.

"I'm sorry," he offers softly.

Hayner sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "I  _ know _ , man. And, listen, whatever is going on with Axel sucks but, it's not right of you to put this all on him."

"He--"

"Yeah, yeah. He lied to you but, dude, that shit isn't something you just come out and tell people."

Roxas frowned, "How do you know about what happened with Axel?"

"I told you, Demyx came by looking for your sorry ass."

His frown deepened. "He shouldn't have told you that."

A huff of air came from Hayner. "Yeah, maybe not, but that's exactly what I'm talking about. You don't just tell people about stuff like that."

"Axel  _ lied  _ to me, Hayner. This isn't just about the shit I saw. He pretended to be someone he wasn't. That's what Demyx told me. I don't even know who Axel is!"

"Demyx told you Axel pretended to be someone else?"

"Demyx told me Axel doesn't want me to see the bad sides of himself, that he's hiding things from me!"

"Are you kidding me right now? Axel pretending to be someone he's not and Axel not wanting you to see the bad sides of himself are two totally different things! Do you think all of Axel is his bad side!?"

"W-well, no.--"

"So? Honestly. Demyx was right you two deserve each other. God. Ok, just... stop. I don't even know where to start with this." Hayner collected himself and began again. He was trying really hard. "Roxas. Listen. Of course Axel doesn't want you to see the bad side of himself. No one wants the people they like to see the bad sides of themselves, and Axel probably more than most. But, listen, you built this guy up in your head to be some kind of god. A perfect person. I  _ know  _ this, because I've literally heard you say it. How can you expect him to live up to something like that? What kind of bullshit pressure is that to put on a person?"

"Are you saying that it's my fault?"

"No! Axel's got his own issues. But, how can you expect him to tell you something like this when you are acting like that? It'd be embarrassing enough already to admit to it without feeling like you're crushing someone's entire opinion of you."

Roxas hadn't thought of it that way at all.

"Hayner?"

"Yes, Roxas?" He was rubbing his temples, fighting off a headache.

"I've made a terrible mistake."

The look on his friend's face was full of relief and it made Roxas feel a little bad.

"Thank fucking god. Honestly, dude, you're going to kill me."

"I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Actually, buy me food."

Roxas stood up and dropped all of the blankets he had wrapped around himself to the floor as he started to look around for his clothes.

"Dude," Hayner cringed, holding a hand up to block his view of Roxas' crotch. "You didn't tell me you were naked."

"I have boxers on, idiot." Roxas threw a pillow at him and pulled on some pants.

"Wait! Before you run off into Axel's arms or whatever, text Demyx and apologize to him for... " Hayner waved his hand at all of Roxas.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know," Roxas agreed in a rush. "He'll probably be at the apartment anyway so when I go over I can just say it to his face."

Turning to leave, Hayner shot back, "Sure, whatever, just--"

"Hayner." Roxas stopped him.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, man."

"No problem, dude. Just don't let it happen again."

  
  


…

  
  


Roxas texted Demyx on the way there.

  
  


Roxas [2:10 p.m.]

I'm coming over.

  
  
  


Demyx [2:11 p.m.]

u little shit

Good enough.

…

  
  
  


Ten minutes later he was there and horribly out of breath.

"Demyx!" He banged on the door. The force rattled through the thing, shaking it on its hinges. As if he needed a visual representation of his urgency. The whole building could probably hear it's annoying clamor. "Demyx! Open up!"

He heard movement and a voice coming from the other side, "Goddamn it, Roxy, we can't have another noise complaint!" The lock clicked and the door swung open and Roxas pushed his way inside.

Not really looking at Demyx at all, Roxas asked, feeling a little wild, "Where is he?"

Demyx didn't like that. "Well, hello to you too. Nice to see you again after the two weeks where you suddenly decided to drop off the face of the earth."

Roxas winced at his tone and turned to look at the other man. Despite the bite to his words, Demyx looked more exhausted than pissed. Roxas felt bad at having been half of the problem.

"I'm sorry, Dem. Really, really sorry, but I need--"

Demyx rolled his eyes as he cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, the other giant man-baby is in his room."

Roxas hesitated.

"Oh, fuck me. Come on." Demyx grabbed Roxas by the arm and dragged him further into the apartment. It was a bit of a wreck, like they hadn't cleaned anything these past two weeks.They walked down the small hallway that lead to the bedrooms and stopped in front of Axel's room.

Raising his fist, Demyx banged harshly.

"Hey, fuck-face. Open the goddamn door or I'll open it for you."

Roxas didn't know how Demyx was planning to get the door open if Axel didn't unlock it, but he hoped Axel would just open it so he wouldn't have to find out. Luckly, it seemed like Axel shared Roxas' sentiment. There was some shuffling on the other side before he could hear the small click of the lock giving way. The door didn't open, though.

"My god, what a baby." Demyx seemed way past 'done' with all of this. He turned to Roxas. "Go talk to him, I'm gonna go somewhere else." And before Roxas could ask where exactly he was going, Demyx was walking himself back down the hall. Moments later, Roxas heard the front door open and close again.

With nothing else to do, Roxas grabbed the doorknob in front of him and walked inside.

The room was an absolute mess, worse than the rest of the apartment. Clothes and blankets and pillows and bedsheets were piled up and tossed around everywhere, some of the things Roxas was used to seeing here were missing, some of them were there, but broken. Axel was the center of all the chaos, sitting on his bed and steadfastly looking away from where Roxas stood in the doorway.

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

"Roxas--"

"Axel--"

Both of them froze again. Axel looked up and met his eyes.

He looked just as much of a mess as the room. His fiery hair was sticking up at odd angles, tangled to hell. Acne spotted around his jaw. His clothes were in disarray, like he had just thrown them on. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He looked really, really tired. 

Fuck if he didn't still look beautiful. 

"You look like shit." Roxas said instead.

Axel's face crumpled at that in a horribly pathetic way that had him back tracking.

"No--I mean, I've just never seen this side of you before..."

"Roxas..." Axel began but didn't finish.

"Axel." Roxas began instead. "I'm... I'm really sorry. I treated you badly. Please forgive me."

There was a bit of a surprised pause that followed. His apology must have caught the other off guard, because he looked more confused than ever. The fiery-haired man curled his fingers into a blanket tangled beside his legs. This wasn't how he had expected this to go, Roxas guessed. 

At a loss, Axel forced out an unsure, "What?"

"I'm sorry." Roxas repeated for him. "I was wrong. I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me about... stuff. I wasn't being fair to you. And then I ignored you..."

It was stupid that Roxas was apologizing to him, at least that's what Axel thought. He had probably scarred the blonde for life. "You have  _ nothing  _ to apologize for. I'm sorry. I--"

"No." Roxas stopped him. "Don't apologize because I found out."

" _ Roxas _ ." Axel sounded wrecked, "How can I  _ not _ ? You weren't meant to see--"

"I needed to see! I needed to  _ know _ . I can't be close to you if I only have half the information!" His frustration with the whole situation slipped into his tone as he spoke. He clenched his hands into fists, trying to think of a way to get Axel to understand. "I want to know you. Not just some perfect version of you. And if this is a part of you then... then it  _ hurts _ . But, I need to know. I won't ask you to let me help you, but I want to be here for you. As your..."

He was stumbling over his own tongue to speak, but Axel was being very patient.

Very quietly Roxas said, "I like you. I've always liked you and... this doesn't change anything."

He waited.

"Roxas... I--"

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way! I just--"

"Goddamn it, Roxas, stop interrupting!"

Roxas blanched. "S-sorry..."

Axel drew in a steadying breath and let it out slowly, running a hand through his hair. It was more of a swipe over the top of it, really. He couldn't get his fingers through the tangles. "No, it's fine. You're fine, just... let me finish."

Roxas nodded and shut his mouth.

"I am sorry you saw that. Regardless of whether I think you should or shouldn't've known, you shouldn't have found out like that. I'm... embarrassed. This whole thing is a mess and it's my fault."

"I should've known." Roxas insisted, clinging to it.

"I know you  _ think  _ you should've known, but..." Frustrated, he forced the air from his lungs, harsh and desperate. "Fuck, Roxas, how do you even bring that up to someone?"

Roxas didn't have an answer to that. "Well... Demyx said everyone else knew. That it was an open secret..."

"Everyone else who knew found out from seeing the scars at one point or another. We were never in a position for you to see them so..." He trailed off.

Roxas didn't actively realize he had crossed the room until he was reaching out and taking Axel's arm. He was wearing a random t-shirt, so there was no cloth to push out of the way as he checked the wrist of the arm in his hand."You don't have them here." He noted quietly, running his thumb along the soft skin there.

"It's... too obvious." Axel explained uncomfortably, either with the situation or how Roxas was touching him like it was his right to do so. The blonde noticed what he had done, immediately dropping his wrist like it burned him.

"I--I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok. This is just... hard for me."

Roxas nodded, eyes on the ground. Maybe he didn't really understand what it was like for Axel, but if it were him, he would be uncomfortable and embarrassed too. "Where?"

Axel didn't understand. 

"I mean," he tried again, "where are they?"

"Oh, um, my legs... and some on my stomach."

"Oh." Roxas said, not knowing what else to.

"Yeah."

The mood in the room was slowly but surely becoming less tense and awkward as they opened up to one another. Even so, neither of them said anything for a long while. Roxas was just trying to process this new information. Adding these new pieces to the person he knew Axel to be.

"Um, Roxas?" Axel's hesitant voice finally broke the quiet.

"Hm?" Looking up, his eyes met Axel's.

"I do, um, also like you. You touching doesn't bother me, if you were worried about that. That's not why I..."

Roxas could feel his eyes go wide, his mouth hanging open stupidly. It was kind of a surreal moment for him, so it left him completely speechless.

"H-huh?"

Axel blushed. "You--Earlier you said you liked me... unless, that's not what you meant--"

"No!" Roxas yelled, cutting him of yet again and startling the other. He snatched up Axel's arm once more and held it close to himself. "No, I really like you!"

He looked so earnest that Axel couldn't help but smile. "Ok," he said.

"Yeah. I mean, yes." Roxas said in a daze. "I do. I like you a lot."

"I like you too." Axel placed the hand of the arm the blonde was clinging to against Roxas' chest, right over his heart.

He paused.

"Axel? Can I... Do you...?"

"Take your time." Axel spoke fondly. Roxas knew he was making fun of him, but he couldn't find it in himself to care at the moment. In fact, it gave Roxas a bit of courage. 

"I want to hug you." He admitted. 

All that trouble to say something so simple. Axel laughed, "Yeah, ok. You can hug me, Roxas."

Roxas was delighted. Instead of a normal hug like a normal person, the blonde crawled into Axel's lap and wrapped both his arms and his legs around him.

"I like you." He said again into the red hair in his face. It was like he couldn't help but say it. He would die if he didn't tell Axel over and over again.

"I like you too." Axel whispered back, face buried in his shoulder.

Desperately he said, "Axel I--" before cutting himself off and leaning back. Axel was a little reluctant to let go, but Roxas' hands were still firm on his shoulders, his legs still locked around his waist, so he let his arms go loose so Roxas could look at him.

"Close your eyes." 

It was a question, even if it wasn't phrased like one, Axel knew, but he was in no place to deny him. He did as Roxas asked, obedintly closing them without hesitation.

He felt the two hands leave his shoulders and his arms tightened again around Roxas, but the other didn't try to pull away. Warm palms came to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing softly, carefully, across his eyelids and tickling his lashes. He sighed, contented, and leaned into the touch. After his eyes, the two careful thumbs moved softly along his cheekbones, mapping out the lines in his face. He could feel a warm, steady breath ghosting across his lips before--

Roxas was kissing him. Lips soft and sliding against his own, dry ones. He jolted when he felt the blonde's tongue slip out and trail across them, but he didn't dare pull away or open his eyes. Steady fingers were still drawing lines on his face until one of the hands slipped down and cupped the back of his neck, drawing him in closer and deepening the kiss. Roxas drew in a harsh breath through his nose and it was like the beginning of the end. Axel was addicted to him already.

" _ Roxas _ ." Axel whispered his name like a prayer against the mouth that was still kissing him, and Roxas took advantage of the opening to drive his tongue between his lips. The foreign muscle slid wetly against his own, greeting him before running over the backs of his teeth. Axel moaned, and Roxas drove his tongue back as far into his mouth as he could reach, practically licking into his throat. Axel swirled his own tongue around it, relishing in the taste of him.

Roxas had never done this before. Never kissed anyone quite like this before. His kisses shared with Namine were always so chaste. But, with Axel, he couldn't get control of himself, and he couldn't find the will to care about that, either. 

They were both panting into each other's mouths, every breath Axel let out Roxas would suck in. Their bodies were pressed flush against each other. Hips locked together. And Roxas could feel him. Feel how much Axel wanted him. And he was intoxicated with it.

"Axel, please," he begged, arms sliding down to the hem of Axel's shirt. It had ridden up slightly where it was pressed against him and Roxas fingers brushed along the smooth skin above Axel's hip bones.

"Yeah... yes." Axel agreed breathlessly. Roxas could feel him nodding. Their kiss never broke, every word they spoke vibrated against the other's mouth and Roxas' head was spinning. Axel nibbled lightly on his lips.

Now that he had permission, Roxas slipped his hands underneath Axel's shirt. He could feel the firm muscles of his stomach and chest contracting and releasing with every move Axel made. He was warm, and just having his hands here wasn't enough. Yanking up the cloth both of them worked together to pull off the shirt while their mouths moved restlessly together.

"You too." Axel murmmered yanking off his shirt as well.

Their bare heated skin rubbing together was almost too much. He finally broke away, using his hands to push Axel to lay on the bed and watched him from above. He cataloged his chest with his hands. He could see the scars on his stomach, circular burns from the end of lit cigarettes and longer, thin lines slashed into skin with a blade. He ran his hands over each of them lovingly and Axel whimpered, lost to it.

"You're so fucking pretty." He told him reverently, because Roxas wanted to worship his body. He was still rubbing his hands into skin and Axel's hips bucked, thrusting his prick against Roxas' ass. 

" _ Roxas _ ." Axel gasped his name again, writhing softly underneath his touch. He was so worked up and all Roxas had done was touch him. 

"I was right." Roxas said, leaning down to nibble on his ear, mumbling into it. "You're  _ perfect _ ."

Axel took hold of his shoulders and flipped them, pinning Roxas to the bed. He grabbed onto his wrists and pinned them down. "You can't just say things like that." He told him. His pupils were blown so wide Roxas couldn't find the green.

"Why?" He asked, still wanting to run his hands all over him, his eyes doing what his hands could not. "It's true."

Axel looked like he was going to cry, or his eyes were going to roll back into his head. He ground his hips against Roxas' and they both moaned, loud and dirty.

"Look what you're doing to me." 

He didn't even have to tell him, because Roxas couldn't stop looking. His eyes were locked on the tent in Axel's pants.

"I want you to fuck me." Axel said next, still pinning his arms and grinding down on him, and Roxas could only nod furiously. 

Axel was going to kill him. 

"You--you have to let me touch you." he gasped out and it was Axel's turn to nod. He released his grip and Roxas used his new freedom to throw his hands down Axel's sweats and grab his cock.

It was hot and heavy and thick in his hand and Roxas was the one groaning.

"It's,  _ ah _ , it's so good, Baby." Axel praised, thrusting into his grip like he was trying to get himself off just like this, and Roxas was a little afraid he was going to hurt him without lube. But Axel's cock was dripping wet and it slid easily against his palm. Roxas leaned up off the bed and latched his mouth around a perky nipple. 

" _ Oh, god. _ " 

Axel's back arched, the sound that came from his mouth was so sinful that Roxas was definitely going to hell, but he didn't let go. He was practically chewing on the bud, just enough pressure not to draw blood, before he let go and licked the abused area with the flat of his tongue to sooth.

"Pants... your,  _ fuck Roxas _ , take off your fucking pants." Axel's hands were insistent in tugging to undo his jeans. They slid off his hips, boxers gone with them. His prick slapped wetly against his stomach as they went, putting sound to his desperation. 

Roxas' yanked off Axel's pants as well. It was uncoordinated and sloppy in a way that might have been embarrassing if he wasn't  _ so turned on _ , but then they were rubbing against each other with nothing left in between them and Roxas couldn't breath. "Lube," he gasped.

" _ Fuck _ ," Axel replied and climbed off him to get it. Roxas felt the loss like a broken piece of his soul and he whimpered as he reached for him. Axel wasn't gone for long, however. He came back sliding hands over him and murmuring, "I'm here. I'm right here."

Axel wasn't wasting any time, though. The cap popped off the bottle and Axel was coating his fingers in the stuff. "I'm gonna suck you off while I finger myself open for you, ok?" He said and Roxas hoped that was a promise.

He lay back on the bed and Axel moved, his eyes hyper-focused on Roxas' dick. He leaned down and licked a stripe from base to head, before taking the crown into his mouth and sucking. 

Roxas shook. 

Axel had one hand pressing into his stomach, thumb rubbing in soothing circles and holding him steady, and the other Roxas could see reaching back behind him, fingers reaching for his own hole. When he found it and pushed in, Axel's moan vibrated around the head of his cock and he thrust up shakily into his mouth.

"Can't see. Wanna see." Roxas begged and Axel chuckled around the prick in his mouth. 

"Axel,  _ please _ ."

Because he was a benevolent god, Axel moved. Pulling his mouth off of Roxas and removing his finger from himself, he crawled until he was straddling Roxas' chest, knees firm on either side. His ass was perfectly visible and his head was right above Roxas' cock.

Roxas was entranced by his perfect butt, reaching up and parting his cheeks to see the wrinkled, pink hole tightly flexing. It was still wet from the lube on Axel's fingers and he swiped his thumb across it, watching it wink back at him. 

Axel let out a dirty keen and wrapped his lips back around Roxas' dick. One of his hands reached back once again. His long slender fingers entered Roxas' line of sight, and he dove one of them back inside himself. 

Roxas, who hadn't really been sure how that worked, watched as the finger moved forward and back, crooking inside before straightening and swirling around as Axel worked to loosen the muscles there. He wondered if it really felt good. It must, because Axel was panting around him.

Because it seemed easy enough, and because  _ he  _ wanted to be the one to make Axel feel good, Roxas wanted to try it. He slid his fingers up, hands starting right behind Axel's knees, moving slowly forward and rubbing up the front of Axel's thighs before moving to the back tickling and massaging the skin just below the swell of his ass. And, then, he moved up. He squeezed Axel's ass in his hands, focusing on the firm muscle there before he let one of his fingers dip down to the rim of his hole, touching the place where Axel's finger continued to thrust in and out.

"Let me," he whispered and hoped Axel could hear him, hoped he would know what he was asking because he was having enough trouble thinking as it was. Axel did, because his finger slowly slid out, waiting patiently for Roxas to replace it. His asshole was so already so wet, but Roxas was nervous and didn't want to hurt him so he quickly sucked three fingers into his mouth, getting them ready without any finesse, before taking one of them and pressing the digit against Axel's tight ring.

His finger slid in so easily. It was so hot and tight inside. Amazing. It was unlike anything Roxas had ever felt. The muscles constricted around the intrusion and Roxas couldn't help but imagine his cock in its place. The train of thought caused him to buck harshly into Axel's throat as he shoved the finger deep inside him. He could feel Axel pressing on his hips in response, forcing them back down onto the bed with his nails digging lightly into the skin there, chastising him for his movement, despite the fact he hadn't gagged. 

"Axel, you feel good."

Axel hummed around him in thanks, pushing his hips back lightly so Roxas' finger was in up to the last knuckle. Roxas curled it inside of him and Axel seemed to appreciate that a lot.

"I'm gonna put another one in," he warned and when he didn't get any sort of protest, he pulled back and pushed in two side-by-side.

He became distracted by the act very quickly, entranced by the look and feel of his fingers moving in and out of the other man. As he moved from two fingers to three, rather than 'getting Axel ready for him' it had turned into just messing around instead. He thrust and scissored and curled his fingers without any mind for anything else. And Axel, at the moment, seemed content to let him do as he pleased. He wasn't sure when the tone between them had moved from 'heated passion' to 'lazy satisfaction', but he didn't mind at all. He enjoyed the feeling of the moment. He could feel the force of Axel's affection with his head using Roxas' thigh as a pillow while he lazily lapped at Roxas dick and balls, licking and laying kisses into his skin, while Roxas' fingers worked in and out of him. Axel's whole body was warm and draped over Roxas. His weight pressed him into the bed snuggly while his hips humped against Roxas' stomach, making himself feel good as Roxas lazily mixed him up inside. 

It was then that Roxas hit a certain spot inside of Axel, a small raised gland, and he rubbed at it curiously. He had never done anything like this before, so everything was new and he had no idea what he'd just found. Because he was also not really paying attention to anything that wasn't Axel's asshole anymore, he had been messing around with it a while before he realized that Axel had let go of his dick, the red-head's whole body was shaking as he groaned loud and wanton, cock leaking out a puddle onto Roxas stomach. 

Surprised, he stopped his fingers, only for Axel to rut back against them on his own.

"Wait, wait, wait," Axel babbled breathlessly as he fucked himself back on the digits, "Don't stop,  _ fuck, _ I was so _ close. _ "

Feeling a little impish, Roxas removed them from Axel, watching as his hole fluttered around nothing as the man himself whined.

"I thought you said you wanted me to fuck you?" He asked.

" _ Yes _ ." 

Axel lifted himself up on shaky arms, turning himself around so he was face-to-face with Roxas, legs straddling his hips instead of his chest. It seemed like he barely had the strength to hold himself upright with how worked up he was.

"Lay down on your back." Roxas told him gently and Axel listened, collapsing next to him on the bed and spreading his legs without the blonde even mentioning it. 

Roxas got between them, grabbing Axel by the thighs and using them to drag him closer. "Hand me the lube." 

Axel reached out his arm and grabbed it from where it had been thrown earlier. Taking it from him, Roxas poured the liquid generously into his palm and slicked up his cock. With one hand on Axel's hip and the other on his own dick he lined himself up, rubbing the head against Axel's asshole without pushing in. "Ok?" He asked for permission one last time.

"Yeah." Axel confirmed for him and Roxas pushed in.

Fuck. Why had he never done this before? As the head of his cock breached the first ring of muscle Axel instinctively clenched down.  _ Tight _ . He was so fucking tight. It sent jitters down his spine, the strength of the pleasure. His whole body was a live wire that began and ended with his cock. 

He rubbed at the skin above Axel's hip bone, soothing so he would relax and continued to push in.

He kept his eyes on Axel's face as he did. His face scrunched and contorted in half-pleasure, half-pain. He continued to spasm and clench around Roxas' cock and the blonde wasn't sure if he was trying to push him out or pull him in. But, he didn't ask Roxas to stop, so he thrust in the rest of the way. Axel grunted and fluttered around him. 

"Wait, wait, wait," he said, and Roxas did so nervously.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, worried he'd done something wrong.

"No. I mean kinda, but..." Axel breathed. "It's good. It's just  _ big _ ."

Roxas could feel himself twitch inside him at the complement and it made Axel chuckle. He waited a few more moments, barely able to contain himself from driving in and out of Axel's tight heat, until the insistent clench loosened and red-head seemed to be properly relaxed.

"Ok," Axel finally said, "Ok. You can move." His erection had flagged slightly from the wait and the pain, but Roxas would fix that quickly.

He pulled back, and then snapped his hips forward sharply.

" _ Fuck _ ." 

He set the pace hard and fast, watching as Axel's fingers stretched and tangled into the sheets on the bed. The muscles of the legs thrown over his shoulders constricted, toes curled. 

"O-oh, fuck, b-baby-- _ shit _ \--it's s-so good." Axel's deep voice was thick with pleasure and shook from the force of Roxas' thrusting, each slam in was punctuated by the sticado in his words. 

Roxas nodded in agreement, eyes clenched and sweat dripping from his brow. He couldn't seem to get anything out but grunts, lost to anything that wasn't the slick push and pull out of the other. He whined as he leaned down to wrap his arms around Axel's waist, the legs on his shoulders slipping down to frame his sides instead. He couldn't reach the other's face so he satisfied himself with sucking on his neck. Axel keened, begging him for more. Moaning out how good he was. Telling him how well he fucked him.

Roxas drove into him over and over again. Fuck, he was so good. Roxas' entire body was on fire. His overheated skin pressed against Axel's overheated skin making the both a sweaty mess. He could taste the salt of Axel's skin. 

Too soon, the tingling in his belly and dick grew stronger and his stomach tightened as his toes curled and he thought, oh shit.

Then he came.

Without even the chance to pull out, he pulsed inside of Axel. He shook and twitched, crying out as his hyper-sensitized body rode out his pleasure. He could feel Axel clenching around him, helping him through it.

When it was over, he knew what he'd done and he looked down at Axel, horrified.

"I'm sorry!" He apologized loudly, embarrassed and a little humiliated. 

But, Axel didn't seem to care, just laughing as he said, "It's OK. Your first time, right?"

Roxas nodded furiously, blush overtaking his face, causing Axel to laugh again. 

When he moved to pull out, though, Axel stopped him. "Wait, wait, wait. Don't take it out yet. I want to come with you inside me."

"Huh?" Roxas replied stupidly.

Axel's face was painted with mirth. "What? Did you think I was just, not going to get off anymore? If I don't cum now, I'll probably die."

"No! T-that's not what I meant..." But the man underneath him was chuckling. Axel was going to kill him.

"C'mon, Roxas, Baby." Axel cooed.

He wiggled his hips and Roxas groaned, oversensitized and hyper-aware of the movement.

"W-what should I do?" He asked. He didn't think he'd be able to go again, not so soon. Just the smallest movements lit his nerves on fire. 

"Jack me off," Axel begged, breath heavy. "suck me, I don't care, Baby, as long as you do it soon."

Roxas didn't imagine he would be able to contort himself into a position where he could suck Axel off with his dick still inside of him, so that left only one option. With a shaky but sure hand, he reached down between Axel's legs and wrapped his hand around his dick. 

"Fuck,  _ yes _ ." Axel groaned and bucked his hips up into Roxas' fist. Roxas started falling into rhythm, when Axel thrust up he'd slide his fist down, slapping against Axel's balls, and when Axel would pull back he'd pull up, twisting his fist around the head of his cock. 

It wasn't long before Axel began to shake with tension. 

"I'm close," he warned him on a breath. "I'm close, I'm close, I'm close..."

Roxas squeezed just a bit tighter, moved his hand just a bit faster.

" _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! _ "

"It's alright," Roxas spoke softly to him while reaching up a hand to slide over his twitching abdominals. "You're doing so good. You're so good."

Axel choked around his name and came. His body pulled taunt, head thrown back and eyes and mouth wide as he gasped on the air. The tremors that shook through him reached Roxas' dick and he curled up slightly over him, nerves shot between pleasure and pain. All the while, he continued to rub Axel's stomach and sides, working his fist over his dick through the last of his orgasm. 

Axel came back in pieces. Body relaxed and breathing slowed, sinking down into the bed beneath his sweaty skin. His eyes closed, and then opened to find Roxas above him. His face gone soft and sweet as he smiled, self-satisfied and lazy. 

"Hey." He said it tenderly, like a greeting.

"Hey," Roxas whispered back, deliriously happy. Slowly, he pulled out and watched as globs of white slid out and onto the bed sheets. "I need to get you cleaned up."

"Mn," Axel mumbled his consent, he looked as exhausted as Roxas felt, eyes already drifting closed. 

Roxas needed to get himself cleaned up too. Did Demyx say he was leaving? He couldn't remember, and he really didn't want to run out naked to find Demyx sitting there on the couch. 

Quickly, he decided he'd have to risk it, and climbed off the bed to pull on his pants. He ignored the stains on his stomach and chest for the time being, and focused on getting a damp washrag and maybe a towel. He turned back to where Axel was slowly but surely falling asleep on the ruined sheets. Okay, two towels. 

He headed to the bathroom and grabbed what he needed before going back.

"Axel, I need you to get up," he told him softly. His eyes lazily opened in response, and it took him a couple seconds, but he did as asked and rolled off the mess. Roxas pulled the sheets from the bed and laid down the towels he had grabbed. "Okay, it's good. You can lay back."

Pliant and sleepy Axel did as he was told and Roxas began to clean him off. It wasn't perfect, but it would have to do for now. 

"Come lay with me," Axel asked as Roxas began scrubbing himself. 

"I will, I promise. I'm almost finished."

"Just throw it on the ground," he allowed, speaking of the cloth. "I need to clean anyway."

Looking at the state of the room, Roxas agreed. They could both deal with it together later. 

He threw the cloth to the floor when he was finished with it. 


End file.
